maleyka: (ai} that was inappropriate)
[personal profile] maleyka
Jesus, between new (old) Panic(!) and Torchwood, my flist doesn't seem to be in a good fannish place the last few days, huh. I'm so sorry, lovelies. *hugs all of you*

In that spirit, let me... add to the negativity? Erm. I already threw all of this at [livejournal.com profile] adellyna just now, as I am wont to do (HOW DOES SHE STILL LOVE ME, I REALLY DON'T KNOW) but I just need to get this out. Feel free to skip, of course!

I love American Idol fandom. There's parts I like better and parts that make me frowny-face, but it's pretty damn awesome and I've been having an absolutely wonderful time. That said: HOLY CRAP THE CONSTANT FOURTH WALL ISSUES ARE MAKING ME CRINGE SO HARD. I guess a lot of it is just the nature of the beast - as Mandi said to me, musicians as a general rule tend to (have to) be more accessible to the general public than actors on a TV show would be, and Twitter wasn't around for my last RPS fandom and I really feel like that dealt a huge blow to the fourth wall (both in good and in bad ways!) but, yeah. And - and I may be wrong on this - the entire fandom seems to revolve around [livejournal.com profile] ontd_ai in a way that none of my previous fandoms revolved around a single community in quite the same way, and that's a whole other bag of issues I have, but that's not even really relevant. THE THING IS.

Look, I'm a fangirl. I'm not ashamed of my fandom involvement, I don't think it's something I (or anyone) should have to be embarrassed about per se. But I also believe that members of fandom? Are a very, um, special bunch. We GET certain things, we just do, in a way that (quote, unquote) normal people DON'T, and that's FINE, but when that fourth wall breaks down and the people I'm fangirling - who I presume have never been fannishly involved with something - get to see the macros and manips or the capslocking that is totally acceptable between us and the hyperbole and the chest-clutching and the general lameness that is, you know, OKAY and EXPECTED and actually kind of THE POINT in fandom, I just can't help but start thinking about how they must be like WHAT KIND OF FREAKSHOWS ARE THOSE PEOPLE and then I want to hide under my bed forever. I REALLY DO, I'M SORRY GUYS. I may be totally wrong here, maybe they think all that shit's hilarious and totally not weird or awkward at all? In which case, more power to them! But it makes me so uncomfortable, and it's the single reason I haven't really been able to get comfortable in and enjoy this fandom the way I have others in the past, and that makes me so sad, because basically everything else about it is mindblowingly awesome.

So, yes. In conclusion: I am a delicate and easily discomfited flower. /o\

... okay let's have something to make this post even a little bit worthwhile. HERE YOU GO:



Because if Kris fucking Allen does not make your heart melt, you might not even have one. YOU SHOULD GET THAT CHECKED OUT.
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January 2012

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